Documentary Filmmaker & Production in Peru (Fixer)

Having a call yesterday with my Canadian ex made me reflect on a few things about myself that I wanted to share today as part of the awareness around Women’s Day.

One of the things I know best about myself, and something I always mention when dating guys, is that I am far from being a conventional woman. For many men this can sound exciting at the beginning, but the reality is that not many truly understand what it really means.

And I’m not going to approach this topic through feminism or any label. I’m simply speaking from my own experience after my most recent relationship.

Being an unconventional woman doesn’t only mean doing unconventional things but more importantly, it means being and feeling different internally. And with this I don’t mean to diminish any other type of women, I just recognize myself like this.

Over the years I developed a strong inner voice and a deep confidence in how I perceive the world. Something that from the outside can sometimes look like “not being too sweet.” But what exactly means sweeteness to guys? Is not a similar thing to not give validation to your voice because theirs is the one who must be right to support his ego instead of having a healthy conversation? And of course, nobody should be right or wrong, it is just to have the possibility to have a conversation without anybody feel less important.

In reality, this can simply challenge men who feel insecure about themselves and their inestable position in life. They don’t yet have the tools to provide security in this new times we are living in.

The work I do as a filmmaker, researcher, and documentary producer is certainly not a profession for a standard personality, and historically even less so for a woman because of the range of skills it demands. And something I feel deeply grateful to have developed over the years.

Doing Research requires an analytical mind capable of building hypotheses and drawing meaningful comparisons around a topic. Something that I don’t only do for work but naturally for my personal life as well. Skills that I have and I have written about in previous articles.

Producing requires a strategic and logical way of thinking to find the best solutions for each project, balancing creativity with efficiency and costs, specially to film in remote places inside Peru.

Being a filmmaker demands physical strength to carry equipment for long days, technical intelligence to handle digital tools, and above all the ability to create honest and genuine connections with people in order to bring out the best in interviews.

Realizing all this made me think about how difficult and even intimidating it must feel for many men to find their place in relationships today. Women now carry a sense of personal security that in the past was more associated with men and part of what made them feel admired and validated as protectors.

And I am not talking about the “bad guys.” I am talking about men who genuinely want relationships to work. The difficulty is that many of them no longer know exactly what they want in a relationship or where they fit, yet they still hope to make it work.

Men often love to feel a sense of certainty, almost as if they are your “everything.” When they do not feel that, it becomes harder for them to open up and connect. But the truth is that nobody is anyone’s “everything.” Love was never really like the movies with all their emotional highs. I believe love is something built slowly, and a path two people create over time with only two essential things: Openness and trust.

But how can men open up and trust when they carry insecurities they may not even be aware of?

On one hand, many men love intellectual connection, something that is very present in modern women. But at the same time they may still expect a more submissive dynamic where difficult conversations are avoided. This may happen because these conversations trigger something inside them, or because they simply do not have the answers and prefer to avoid the discomfort.

This also is becoming challenging for women to meet conscious men who not only have good intentions for healthy relationships but who are also willing to do the inner work required. The ongoing process of understanding personal traumas and weaknesses. For sure, none of us has all the answers about ourselves, but it is a journey that can be carried with love if both people are open to growing together.

I am not an unconventional woman because I want to prove something to men or because I want to become one. I am unconventional simply because I am unique and I genuinely love what I do as a human being. Not better or worse than anyone else, just different in how I think, feel, and approach life.

And this is not even about economic independence. Many of my ex-partners were financially successful and enjoyed taking care of me, something I appreciated as well. Discovering my own unique skills has never been about competition. It is simply about joy and purpose.I used to tell my ex that even if someone offered to pay for my entire life so I could just travel and relax, I would not accept it. Living without a purpose would feel like dying to me.

What many men are rarely told is that women can still feel safe with them. Yes, we naturally want their protection, but in a different way. Vulnerability and deep conversations are actually some of the most powerful ways a man can make a woman feel safe. We create the sense that whatever happens in the future, we are a team capable of finding solutions together. Unfortunately, many men still choose to remain in poor relationships where there is little growth and later or sooner that ends up in unhealthy or toxic ones. 

On the other hand, we women, both historically and today, still carry a strong intuitive sensitivity and a natural ability to nurture and we love doing that. This includes caring for partners, family, and the home environment. From a biological perspective, women tend to be more attuned to these aspects of life and these abilities remain true whether a woman has a large career or not. 

Our partners and friends are the only relationships we truly choose in life. We do not choose our parents or the family we are born into. But we do choose the person with whom we want to share our life, and that person should represent the best version of what we hope to experience in love.

I feel like women, we are making enormous progress in understanding our emotional patterns and trying to break them in order to build healthier relationships. But it is also true that the gap between men and women in this process seems to be growing over time.

I am really thankful that podcasts like those of Lewis Howes and Matthew Hussey exist. They have helped me a lot to understand how to build better and loving relationships. And hopefully little by little we all find ourselves in more conscious connections.

Lizeth Yarlequé