Documentary Filmmaker & Production in Peru (Fixer)

Having a call yesterday with my Canadian ex made me reflect on a few things about myself that I wanted to share today as part of the awareness around Women’s Day.

One of the things I know best about myself, and something I always mention when dating guys, is that I am far from being a conventional woman. Many women indeed we have a different life in these modern times but this also has become a difificult situation for men and their role in a relationship.

And I’m not going to approach this topic through feminism or any label. I’m simply speaking from my own experience after my most recent relationship.

Being an unconventional woman doesn’t only mean doing unconventional things but more importantly, over the years I developed a strong inner voice and a clear position in how I perceive the world that until know I didn´t know how unusual it was.

The work I do as a filmmaker, researcher, and documentary producer is certainly not a profession for a standard personality, and historically even less so for a woman because of the range of skills and character it demands. And something I feel deeply grateful to have developed over the years.

Doing Research requires an analytical mind capable of building hypotheses and drawing meaningful comparisons around a topic. Something that I don’t only do for work but naturally for my personal life as well. Skills that I I have written about in previous articles.

Producing requires a strategic and logical way of thinking to find the best solutions for each project, balancing creativity with efficiency and costs, specially to film in remote places inside Peru.

And being a filmmaker demands physical strength to carry equipment for long days, technical intelligence to handle digital tools, and above all the ability to create honest and genuine connections with people in order to bring out the best of them for the in interviews.

And beside all this, I founded out recently that I am HSP (High Sensitive Person) who can feel/perceive easily others around me.

Women now carry a sense of personal security that in the past were exactly the tools for admiration and validation to men. However these new times never meant that we don’t admire them anymore. True admiration and validation as a human being; regardless the gender; have little to do with exceptional titles or careers. They are more about the emotional stability someone can offer during difficult times.

Love was never like the movies with all their emotional highs. I believe Love is something we build slowly, and a path two people create over time with only two essential things: Openness and trust. Something that we were never taught in life. Either for men or women.

On one hand, many men love intellectual connection with someone adventure that now have the freedom in time and economy to do things with them; but at the same time they may still expect a more submissive dynamic where difficult conversations are avoided. This because these conversations trigger something inside them, or because they simply do not have the answers and prefer to avoid the discomfort.

This has become challenging for women to meet conscious men who not only have good intentions for healthy relationships but who are also willing to do the inner work required like the ongoing process of understanding personal wounds. For sure, none of us has all the answers about ourselves, but it is a journey that can be carried with respect if both people are open to grow together.

I am not an unconventional woman because I want to prove something to men or because I want to become one. I am unconventional simply because I am unique and I genuinely love what I do as a human being. Not better or worse than anyone else, just different in how I think, feel, and approach life.

And this is not even about economic independence. Most of my ex (except the last one who was a pretty standard guy) were financially extra successful men who enjoyed taking care of me, something I do appreciate as well. Developing my own unique skills has never been about competition. It is simply about joy and purpose.I used to tell one of my ex that even if someone offered to pay for my entire life so I could just travel and relax, I would never accept it. Living without a purpose would feel like dying alive to me.

What men are rarely told is that women can still feel safe with them. Yes, we naturally want their protection, but in a different way. We don’t need them to be the strong one anymore. We learnt to survive ourselves in these new times. And on the contrary, vulnerability and deep conversations are actually some of the most powerful ways a man can make a woman feel safe. Someone whom we can feel that whatever happens in the future, we will be a team capable of finding solutions together. But of course, to get to this point, men should have learn to be emotionally open and know about their needs. Unfortunately, many choose to remain in poor relationships to avoid to grow. 

On the other hand, we women, both historically and today, still carry a strong intuitive sensitivity and a natural ability to nurture and we love doing that. This includes caring for our partners, family, and the home environment. From a biological perspective, women tend to be more attuned to these aspects of life and personally I feel happy doing this.

So our identity is not only defined by our great careers but also by who we are inside as human beings, each of us with our own unique qualities and weaknesses as well.

We do not choose our parents or the family we are born into, but our partners and friends are the relationships we truly get to choose in life. And I believe that the person with whom we choose to share our life should reflect the best version of what we hope to experience in love, not someone we settle for just because they seem “good enough”.

I remember that my ex got really surprised when I told him that I committed with him after seven years of being single, precisely because I don’t add to my life just anyone who simply seems “good enough.” Because more than a good intention from someone, I am also careful that we actually have a good compatibility in other areas like intelectuality or spirituality and surprinsily this last ex had a lot of things in common with me, however not in the emotional maturity.

In my case, I was surprised that he connected with me only two weeks after the breaking up with his ex. It was definitely a huge difference in how we processed our previous relationships and personal growth. Later, it became a major incompatibility that triggered other issues that made it very difficult for us to stay together.

I feel like women, we are making enormous progress in understanding our emotional patterns and trying to break them in order to build healthier and better relationships. But it is also true that the gap between men and women in this process seems to be growing over time.

I am really thankful that podcasts like those of Lewis Howes, Jay Shetty and Matthew Hussey exist. They have helped me a lot to understand how to build better and loving relationships. And overall they are also trying to help men to be more open. Hopefully little by little we all find ourselves in more conscious romantic relationships.

Read more of my articles in this LINK.

I share here one of my favourite podcasts about relationships

Thanks for reading me.

Lizeth Yarlequé